Observations on how we learn

So I have a 4 year old...

She's pretty smart if I do say so myself, she is right at that cusp of learning to read - she knows her alphabet very well.  She recognizes some words and can spell simple ones.  She is getting pretty good at typing her name (and it is a long one).  The interesting thing is, that as she types her name she repeats the letters in her name as she types it starting over each time.  So if her name was Elizabeth (which it isn't) she would type E and then say out loud "E-L" and type the L.  Then she would say "E-L-I" and type the I.  She would do this over and over and just about spell her name for every letter in her name.

This is interesting to me because I see myself following these same patterns when I learn new things...  Specifically learning python, I typically don't talk out loud (unless it's been a bad day) but mentally I am constantly repeating to myself what I've learned - "Watch the indention, no semi-colons, parenthesis aren't necessary in conditionals" almost every line of python code has the same chant.

Which confirms the old adage about bad habits learned early are almost impossible to break.  If you repeat to yourself the same mantra 1,000 times a day and find out it's wrong it is very difficult to correct yourself and not make the same mistakes over and over even though you know better.

I wonder if that is what makes great programmers early feedback from mentors who know what they're doing.  I think it was Suzuki Roshi who wrote a book on Beginner's Mind.  Basically once we believe that we have figured out what is going on we limit ourselves by our current knowledge base.  We see this over and over, historically a simple example is the one time wide spread believe that the world was flat.

I think continuing to cultivate a beginner's mind in our work helps us become better at whatever it is we're doing, but especially with programming.  I don't know how many times junior developers have come to me with solutions that I would never have thought of.  It is also impossible to have a big ego when you are maintaining beginner's mind.  It also doesn't fill peers and business partners with confidence all of the time but it keeps us honest and to me that is a fair trade.

 

Cheers!

-Aaron

Life is like that I guess

So, my dad is dying...  Ok, so he is technically my step dad but he raised me nonetheless.  Many of my best (or worse attributes) come from him.

Anyway, last year he lost a kidney to cancer.  The one he has left is only working at 50% capacity (so that is 25% over all).   It turns out on top of all that he has a small spot of lung cancer as well...

So, yeah.  He's feeling fine now but we don't know how long that will last.  He is taking treatments for the bladder/kidney cancer several times a week now.  And the doctors are trying to figure out what to do about the lung cancer now.

On the flip side he has a Grand Daughter who is about to get married, his house is paid off, he has his first Grand Son who will bear his name that will be born in a few months...

Life is like that I guess... Really bad things happen at the same time really bad things happen... It's never all bad or all good. 

It reminds me of the Zen story of where this guy is hanging from a vine while a tiger is looking down trying to get him, a poisonous snake is working it's way up to get him, and 2 mice begin to chew the vine.  With death coming from all around some honey starts dripping into the hole and he realizes how great the honey tastes. 

 

Yeah, Life is like that I guess.

 

-Aaron

Buddha is as Buddha does

So, I started reading a new book a few weeks ago.  It's called "Buddha is as Buddha Does" by Lama Surya Das.

 

I haven't read any of Lama Surya Das's other books but this one is really great.  However, it is not a fast reader the concepts are really quite deep.  It's one of those books that has to be digested slowly.  I find myself only able to read a couple of pages at a time.  The concepts just sit in my mind and slowly soak in.  Here is a particularly great paragraph (from chapter 1 - Generosity):

"Whenever we consider our inner thoughts about anything, it's crucial to bear in mind that we can change them.  Being visited by negative or selfish thoughts doesn't make us bad people.  It just means we're conditioned human beings.  Nor do we have to be forever at the mercy of these thoughts merely because they occurred to us.  We can cultivate positive thoughts to replace them, thus skillfully and intentionally reconditioning and eventually deconditioning our energy and ourselves.  When the Buddha said, 'We are what we think,' He was asking us to take responsibility for our inner life.  That's the crux of why meditation and awareness cultivation are such vital practices in Buddhism.  They enhance our ability to manage more skillfully our own thoughts and feelings, including our thoughts about generosity -- a truth that, again illustrates how all the paramitas are interrelated and mutually supportive.

It is a great comfort for me to remember throughout the day that the thoughts that arise in my mind are not necessarily a reflection of who and what I am.  Irrational anger can be caught and defused before it explodes.

The teachings of the Buddha give me great hope...

-A

One More...

Releasing the Cows as told by Thich Naht Hahn

So one day the Buddha was sitting with a number of monks in the woods. They had just finished their mindful lunch and were about to start a Dharma discussion when a farmer came by. He was lost and said: “Dear Venerables did you see my cows passing by here?”, and the Buddha answered “No we have not seen any cows”.

“I have 3 cows, and this morning I don’t know why, all of them have run away. And this year the insects have eaten up all of our crops I think I’m going to die.” The farmer expressed his sufferings and worries.

The Buddha said “Dear friend, we have not seen your cows passing by here, you might try to look in the other direction.” The farmer thanked the Buddha and went away.

The Buddha turned to his monks smiling he looked at them and said “Dear Friends, do you know that you are happy people? Do you know that you are lucky people? You don’t have any cows to lose!”

So the practice here is to identify the cows that you have. The cows that you think you can not be separated from. The cows that you think are essential to your happiness but these cows actually cause you suffering.

Odds and Ends pt 6

And finally....

How far you go in life
Depends on your being
Tender with the young
Compassionate with the aged
Sympathetic with the striving
Tolerant of the weak and the strong

Because someday in life you will have been all of these

-George Washington Carver

Odds And Ends pt 5

A prayer heard from Jack Kornfield

Dear God,
So far today I've done alright. 
I haven't gossiped, lost my temper,
haven't been greedy, nasty, selfish or
over-indulgent.

I'm really glad about that.

But in a few minutes God I'm going to
get out of bed.

And from then on I'm probably going to
need a lot more help.

Thank you.

Odds and Ends pt 4

Traditional Zen Blessing on food

Innumerable labor's brought us this food
we should know how it comes to us

Receiving this offering
we should consider wether our virtue and practice deserve it

Desiring the natural order of mind
we should be free from greed hate and delusion

Odds And Ends pt 3

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers
but to be fearless in facing them.

Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain
but for the heart to conquer it.

Let me not look for allies in life's battlefield
but to my own strength.

Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved
but hope for patience to win my freedom.

- Ancient Buddhist Prayer

Odds and Ends pt 2

As read by Gil Fronsdal

This has to do with a man who was an Abbott of a Zen monastery.
The abbot was a most unusual man, he seemed always to have
a smile in his eyes and a look as if he knew you better than you knew yourself.  He once told this story about himself...

When I was 13 my family would send me up to the mountains around the monastery to collect edible plants to be used for our evening meal.  This foraging trip was the only work that I enjoyed doing otherwise I tried every trick I could to avoid work on my family's farm.  I was still going to school but school had no interest;  for me and my ever present anger was a welcome barrier to learning anything the teacher was teaching.

Occasionally during my foraging trips I would pass by the monastery while the monks were out and about sweeping the leaves from the many paths.  The first time I saw the monks working I was mesmerized in watching them going about their work.

For many months afterwards I would often stop for awhile to watch them sweep.  They went about their work silently and with an efficiency that seemed effortless.  One day a monk walked up to me and asked what I was doing in the mountains.  Immediately I became defensive and scared I resented anyone who tried to get to know me, so instead of answering the question I countered
by asking him what he was doing.  The monk smiled and answered he had been told to sweep and that he was just killing time until he could return to his room for a nap.

As I walked home later in the day I thought about his answer and was glad that he did not seem any different than myself;  when I was required to do anything my heart was never in it and my attitude was that I was passing time until I could be excused taking a nap was certainly preferable.

The next day I passed by the monastery on one of my foraging trips and another monk stopped his sweeping and asked what I was doing.  again I resented the question, it felt like an intrusion, however this time I did not feel as scared, again I deflected the question by asking what he was doing.  He answered that he was doing extra work in hopes of being assigned to the kitchen which was always warm in the winter and always seemed to have one or two extra sweet rice cakes in the cupboard for cooks to nibble on without saying anything I nodded and left to continue my foraging.  The monks answer resonated with me since I too liked to be warm and eating sweet cakes was one of my favorite activities second only to sleeping.

The next time I passed the monastery a third monk asked me the same question.  I was surprised that  I wasn't offensive or resentful of being asked.  However again I deflected the question back to him he explained that he was sweeping as a spiritual discipline to help him overcome his anger.  Later as I walked the mountain trail with my bag of plants I felt a kinship with this monk like me he had
anger but I was perplexed that he would want to overcome it.  For me my anger protected me.  A week later I was again outside the monetary watching the monks sweep.  yet another monk came up to me when he asked me what I was doing I mumbled something about collecting plants I doubt he could hear me my
voice was so faint.  But I did muster up some strength to ask him what he was doing.  he replied that he was beautifying the monastery so that others may be inspired in their work of spiritual transformation before I left him I glanced down the well swept paths and realized that part of the reason I was compelled to
watch the monks sweep was that they seemed to be transforming the paths into something that made me feel peaceful.

The next time I stood outside the monastery watching the monks I was drawn to walk over to a fifth monk and before he could ask me what I was doing I asked him.   He looked at me with kind eyes and after what seemed like a long but quite soft silence he explained that he was sweeping to be of service to all who used the monastery in practicing this way he hoped to find the ultimate peace.  as I left the monastery that day I thought his answer strange because I didn't understand what he meant by service and peace  I certainly couldn't see how these had any value for me. 

The next time I visited the monastery for the last time I had an unfamiliar feeling as I walked up into the mountains.   Just before I reached the monastery I guessed  that i was looking forward to seeing the monks again I felt a warm glow of gladness in anticipation by what I would find.  When I arrived at the monastery I walked right up to the old monk who seemed absorbed by the sweeping.  I inquired what he was doing.   as he answered each of his words washed over me like cleansing water:  me? he said I am not doing anything, my ego was swept away long ago.  There is no I that does anything now the awakened life moves through my body my mind my heart and my mouth no one sweeps there are no paths to sweep and there is no dirt to brush away.  I was stunned by his answer and before I could respond he handed me the broom and walked away. 

I have been here ever since.

Odds and Ends pt 1

I'm cleaning up my hard drive today and found a few interesting things that have been accumulating here is the first one:

I go among trees and sit still
all my stirring becomes quite around me like circles on water
my tasks lie in their places where I left them asleep like cattle

Then what is afraid of me comes and lives awhile in my sight
what it fears in me leaves me and the fear of me leaves it
it sings and I bear it's song

Then what I am afraid of comes I live for a while in it's sight
what I fear in it leaves it and the fear in it leaves me
it sings and I hear it's song

By Wendal Berry

In the Beginning. . .

Being raised in the religion formerly known as RLDS (now called the Community of Christ) I feel like I was given enough of a Christian education to realize that there are some serious short comings in that belief system. Now if you’re coming from a Christian background and still subscribe to that belief system, just relax and calm down I’m not saying your wrong (heh, unless you tell me that I am).
One of the most fundamental thing about Christianity that I can not subscribe to is the concept of an eternal afterlife. Not that there is one, but that there is a place that you go as a result for living 70-100 years. Assuming that the Christian God is a fair and just god then it is incomprehensible that a person would be rewarded or punished for eternity for only living 70-100 years. One hundred years is no where close to eternity that is not fair, just or equal. Once I realized this then Christianity fell from me like shackles.

That was back in 1995 or 1996 I’ve been wandering looking at a wide array of religions ever since. Eventually my wanderings took me to Buddhism and although I wish I could say that once I found it I thought ah ha! It wasn't like that at all, I felt like there was such a strong focus on suffering and the annihilation that it couldn't be a path that held any meaning for me.

One of my first real exposures was when I bought the book How To Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life by the Dalai Lama. I didn’t understand much of it and ended up feeling like the whole suffering annihilation thing was just wrong. Key point there "I didn't uderstand much of it".

It seemed that I kept returning to Buddhism over and over for some reason and eventually I found several podcasts on Buddhism primarily AudioDharma and ZenCast. AudioDharma is the website for the Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, CA. Their primary speaker/teacher is a man by the name of Gil Fronsdal and although I have never met Gil his teachings have really changed the way I live and look at my life. Since listening to the AudioDharma I have re-read "How to Practice" and am not exactly sure where I got that the initial ideas that I did as the Dalia Lama excplicitly talks againsts the ideas of annihilism. Anyway it is a great book. I don't think it was a great first book though because I felt like it has some very challenging and complex concepts that took me several days to digest. I would have to put the book on hold and just ponder the concepts for several days before I could move on through the book.

I suppose that is probably enough ramblings for now, the last 5 months have been pretty incredible, I’ve gone from feeling like a crazy person for attempting to meditate on my own, to feeling like a crazy person if I don’t get a chance to sit and meditate. I’m looking forward to what the new year will bring. . .